“Privileged, Lucky, and Too Much Time on My Hands” December 13, 2007
This is a comment I hear a lot of. I have a friend who likes to comment on us stay-at-home Moms that we indeed have too much time on our hands. She stated this comment after she had received a beautiful pie plate from another stay-at-home Mom friend of mine. All her kids are now in school. The pie plate consisted of 8 different home made pies all beautifully labeled complete with pie chart, and absolutely delicious. She does not have too much time on her hands, she is just thoughtful, knows how to be a home keeper, takes pride in her talents, and wanted to share this with her friends. Why is that thought of as worthless among the “working outside the home” Mom crowd? I think what pushed my buttons to write this article is that comment and ones such as, “but you only have a 3 year old at home, what do you do all day?” Or, the famous, “Just go back to work. She is 3 already, if you’re on that tight of a budget, I think it is crazy you are not working...”
How did home keeping, being a wife, and a mother become so worthless? Where did the value of this in other people’s minds go? Did it happen with Gloria Steinem? Did burning bras contribute to this? Are those same women who burned their bras now at their local plastic surgeon getting their breasts lifted with all the wonderful money they made working out side the home? Did it happen with Hillary Clinton’s Book, “It Takes a Village”? Moreover, does this “low to no” value on women that stay at home contribute to their sometimes depression and isolation?
There are days when it does get mundane and I hunger for that “me time”. Just rent a hotel room for me with a spa downstairs. After I get pampered, I shall retire up to my hotel room………alone I may add……....put on mindless TV shows and veg. Well, when I feel like I need that, I make “me time” into “we time”, and grab my 3 year old, growing much too fast, snuggly beautiful gift from heaven, and cuddle in our bed for two hours extra in the morning after I get my 5 year old off to school. Do I feel guilty? Maybe I should be out making an extra buck or two! The answer is no. All I need to do is look at her content, loved, secure face, and know that being responsible to love and nurture this gift from God is time well spent.
I have been told that it is a privilege for her not to be in day care, and to have me home. That I am “a lady of leisure”, and I myself am privileged to stay home. See, to others who work, I am “privileged”, “lucky”. I do not work as hard as they do. See, they have to come back from there 8-12 hour a day job, pick up their child from after care, find the energy to make dinner, give them emotional quality attention with homework, or for the little ones book reading, and snuggle time, then try to get them showered or bathed, then after they go to bed, they are up late to make lunches, etc.. I think they may be ok with this is, I mean after all, the kids have their Play Station 3’s and other material items.
I believe it is on week ends that they catch up on, laundry, house cleaning, cooking. Unless they are making big bucks, then they hire someone to do this.
Well, us worthless stay–at-home Moms during the day also need to do laundry (keeping up on it regularly so there is no 3 day old basket of clean clothes in the “clean’ hamper), house cleaning, cooking. creating your home’s look (painting, moving furniture), budgeting, doing bills, creative financing, cutting coupons, picking projects to do with your children still at home, driving the little one to Mommy and me activities, driving and picking up your school age children so they do not have to be subjected to today’s risky school bus situation, grocery shopping, making Dads and the other school age kids lunches, making sure the one at home is eating properly, and a host of other things that may arise during my “leisurely, too much time on my hands” day. Things like potty accidents, doggy accidents, things braking in the house, creditors calling, etc.
Maybe I am privileged because along with putting time and care into the above, I get to do a lot of kissing, hugging, and praising my little one’s accomplishments, as well as discipline her and teaching her to behave appropriately with love. A definite quality she might miss out on in the daycare system. I also get to supervise homework, and monitor who they can see after school. I wouldn’t have that luxury if they were in “after care” after school. Who ever is in their group, is who they get. Yes I am privileged. Not in the way that most would think. I have the privilege of keeping up a home for my family, I am privileged because I get to show love to my children every hour of every day, and live out this awesome responsibility of caring for them. I am privileged because it is OUR manners and OUR values being taught to them. I am privileged because they were sent to me after I prayed for them, but most of all, I am privileged because I get to Shepard them. Are they privileged? I do not know, you would have ask them later. I do know they are simply getting what they are meant to have. What I am supposed to do. Anything less, they would be cheated.
No, we do not have a flat screen TV. My Husband and I have not purchased clothes in three years. We do not own an elaborate video games system, or the newest hot item. I went to thrift and consignment stores for most of our Christmas Gifts, and my husband and I have our “late Christmas gift exchange” maybe in February if we are lucky. Hopefully next year, I can paint my kids rooms, and get that day bed from that thrift store if they still have it.
My children do however……….. hopefully and to best of my ability………….,have me there ready and emotionally present to Mother them. They have there Dad too. After the extra hours of overtime he puts in so I can stay home, he manages to conjure up his attentiveness to them without fail. We have our designated family nights where he refuses the overtime to be with them and us.
Yes. Maybe Privileged is the correct word, but too much time? Try not enough.
Liz Hiden of s l u n g e d
